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backsliding into the fiery depths of hell - and there it goes..

About backsliding into the fiery depths of hell

Previous Entry backsliding into the fiery depths of hell Apr. 28th, 2006 @ 08:14 am Next Entry
i guess an entire year went to waste. only sort of though. i started and wanted to so badly, but all i could think about was what Bublz would say/do. i stopped. i cried my fuckin eyes out instead. it's barely a scratch. no scar. shouldnt be at least. it's just all red and new right now. i'm really angry at myself for doing that. i feel like i was a new person over the summer and since. doing something from back in the day, something negative, really pisses me off. but i've been falling back into who i used to be recently anyway. i guess that's why i slipped in the first place. remember summer? the beginning of classes? remember how happy and huggy i was? jumping on strangers and having a generally good time? i'm feeling less of all that. but i'm really hoping that's just because the winter wore me down and now, in April, i'm finally feeling it. i hope it gets better as it gets lighter and when i get out of this goddamn basement and into some sunlight while sitting at my computer. i also havent had the easiest year ever. so i dont know. we'll see. i hope things get better. i want them to. and despite how i feel i'm going to shove my emotions back wherever the hell they came from and try to forget. i mean psh. it's only been eight months. fuck.
and how does that make you feel?: indescribableindescribable
background noise: Bond
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From:choanata
Date:June 3rd, 2006 12:34 pm (UTC)

Trying to understand

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You want a guy that you can love and will love you back, but you don't have that now.

You want a guy who you can talk to about your emotions (and that's really not too much to ask), but you don't have that now either.

Now obviously you have someone now that you lust after and maybe he's got a good personality, but beyond that, what does he have that compensates for the lack of the other 2 things? Is this really the best situation for you to be in?

I'm not trying to pass any judgement, just stripping things down to the bare facts for you to evaluate.
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From:stewgold
Date:June 8th, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC)

Re: Trying to understand

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i'm sorry but.. who the fuck are you?
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From:choanata
Date:June 9th, 2006 10:34 pm (UTC)

Re: Trying to understand

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If you mean who am I to you, nobody. I just randomly found your livejournal and thought it's pretty interesting. You could very easily package it as a book and I think you could do very well that way. It's great reading, you're a good writer.

If you mean who am I in general, I guess I'm still figuring that out.
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From:stewgold
Date:July 16th, 2006 08:49 pm (UTC)

Re: Trying to understand

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a month later.. heh. well thanks. i dont consider my lj or my writing anything special. but i'm glad you enjoy the story of my life lol. even if i only post about once a month now. last year was much more exciting.
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