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get used to it or get out. i feel like those are my only two options… - and there it goes..

About get used to it or get out. i feel like those are my only two options…

Previous Entry Apr. 28th, 2006 @ 02:19 am Next Entry
get used to it or get out. i feel like those are my only two options with Bublz. he's not going to love me. and i dont know how much longer i can take this lack of emotion. lack of affection. it's killing me. very slowly. and i think we're getting down to the wire here. maybe it's just cause i'm depressed and emoing out and crying. but i feel like i cant take much more of this. i NEVER know what he's feeling. he never volunteers any information at all. i cant stand not knowing what's going on. and god forbid i should be upset about anything emotion-related. i cant talk to him about it. fuck no. that's absurd. i cant talk to the boy i'm fucking?! what the hell is that. i really dont think i can do this anymore. it's to the point where i feel like cutting just to let something out. April. it's been a year. i've been so good. but god damn if this doesnt drive me to it.

i love him and i cant say a word about it. the terrible thing to do would be to line up a replacement then tell him so if he cant handle it.. boom. there's the backup. but if he can, fantastic. arent i horrible for even oming up with that idea?

sooner or later i'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that i cant talk to him about anything emotional. if i need to decide what class to play in wow he's right there for me but if i need emotional support.. forget it. this is so going to be a major problem. i know it. i can see it.

and he just said he's going for a walk and left without waiting for a reply. fabulous.
and how does that make you feel?: crusheddevastated
background noise: my own sobbing
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