i have a housefull of people that care about me and i dont have the balls to ask a single one of them for help. school has really been getting to me, the fluid situation between Bublz and i is worrying me and after a day like today in the ER everything just compounds on everything else. people dying around you really makes you feel like shit. 50yrs old cardiac arrest. how fuckin terrible is that? but i guess it's better than a 4 month old respiratory distress. that was just awful.
it crossed my mind.. the fact that my favorite knife is at SB instead of in my pocket is probably a good thing tonight. i thought i was past that. i think i still am. but every now and again i entertain the notion. i just dont want to deal with the consequences of people noticing. i think that's the only thing keeping me from doing anything stupid. i wonder what Bublz would say. but of course i wouldnt want to do anything to jeopardize that situation. another reason not to do anything.
i think i'm going to try sleeping. that might work. i was hoping Bublz would be on when i got home, but no dice. off on a tanget, i love my mom.